


Where's My Love?

by lesbianchloeprice, Skribbz



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, EllieDina Week (The Last of Us), F/F, Masturbation, Smut, day 5 abandonment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 07:33:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29871282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianchloeprice/pseuds/lesbianchloeprice, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skribbz/pseuds/Skribbz
Summary: She hadn’t meant to keep it, but it must have ended up amongst her things while she was packing; and it’s not like she can just throw it out. Clothing that was still in good condition was getting harder and harder to come by, and maybe one day JJ could wear it.But more than anything, it was Ellie’s.-OR-Ellie's gone, but Dina can make do.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 61





	Where's My Love?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for EllieDina Week Day 5: Abandonment

The house is filled with the sound of JJ’s screaming as Dina wrestles him into a thick winter coat. There’s a festival in town that evening, and his grandparents had been looking forward to taking him for weeks. JJ however, is less than thrilled that he has to get all bundled up due to the chilly autumn weather. 

“Now you be good for grandma and grandpa,” Dina says to her son, shoving a beanie onto his head despite his very loud protesting. He stomps away from her and over to Robin, wearing the biggest pouting face Dina’s ever seen him pull.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?" Robin asks as she picks up her grumpy grandson. 

"I'm sure. I'm pretty tired," Dina tells her.

"Alright… Well if you change your mind, come on out," Robin says as her husband double checks the diaper bag, making sure they have everything they need for the toddler.

"I will," Dina says, trying not to sound irritated. They’ve been trying to get her to go all morning. 

It's not that she doesn’t want to go out. She's barely left the house since moving back into town, only really going out for work and occasionally to the market. She’s just tired. She always seems to be tired lately. 

She blames it on having a toddler to look after. JJ had apparently just skipped learning to walk and went straight from crawling to running, and he hadn't stopped since. He’s also recently discovered the art of climbing, and she’d regularly find him on top of the kitchen counters, or the back of the couch, or halfway up the stairs after somehow managing to climb over the baby gate. Sure, Jesse's parents were always there to help, but she felt guilty asking them to help raise her own child. Between JJ and her job as an apprentice electrician down at the dam, she was always exhausted.

She watches Jesse's parents and JJ leave through the window, waiting until they turn the corner and were out of sight. When she turns around, she’s struck by just how empty the house suddenly feels. She doesn’t like silence these days.

There was usually enough craziness going on that she didn’t have to worry about it. JJ zipping back and forth across the living room, throwing toys in every direction while cartoons played on the television; or how Mike would play the small piano against the far wall, while Robin sang to JJ, who clapped and did his best to sing along. It was usually too loud and chaotic to even hear herself think. But when she’s alone, with nothing else to distract her, her thoughts always turn to one thing. The reason she’s back in Jackson, the reason she’d been left raising a toddler on her own.

Ellie. 

Months have passed, yet she still hasn’t been able to process her feelings over Ellie’s abandonment, unsure of whether she should feel angry, or sad, or both, or maybe something else entirely. The only thing she knows is that she misses her. She more than misses her. It was as if Ellie had taken a part of Dina's soul with her the second she’d walked out the door.

She walks through the house, trying to find something to keep her mind occupied. But, of course, the one time she’d banked on JJ’s messiness, the house was spick and span. Robin must have done some tidying up before she left, much to Dina’s dismay.

With nothing else to do, she finds herself walking in the direction of her makeshift bedroom, Jesse’s old room, and to the small desk sitting in the corner. She opens the top drawer and pushes aside an assortment of papers to find what she’d buried at the bottom months ago. A photo of Ellie, the only one she'd brought with her. It was a candid shot, one Dina had secretly snapped while she was laughing at a silly pun DIna had made. It was so rare to see Ellie laugh those days, so Dina couldn’t miss the chance to capture it on film.

She sits down on her bed, still staring at the photo. It was almost like looking at a stranger, the image of Ellie both foreign and yet so achingly familiar, even after all this time. This, this right here is how she wants to remember Ellie. Laughing, smiling,  _ living.  _ The woman who’d left her one early morning all those months ago had been a ghost of the Ellie she knew, the Ellie she loved. But this picture had managed to capture one perfect moment of their time together, and now that she has it in her hands, she doesn’t think she can ever stop looking at it.

God, she looked so beautiful. Those cute freckles peppered across her face, and the way the sun shining through the window next to her brought out the pretty red highlights in her hair. Her lips, full and warm, that she’s been craving, hiding the tongue that she wants so badly between her legs.

Dina blinks hard, suddenly ripped back to reality.  _ ‘What the fuck was that?,’ _ she thinks, disgusted with herself, appalled that she’d let her mind wander to that.

While she can’t deny that she’s been needing to feel someone’s touch, she’s just so busy with JJ and work that she can never find the time for something as frivolous as that. A small part of her briefly considers just going to the festival and finding someone to go home with, to help her forget about the pain, forget about  _ Ellie _ , even if just for the night.

But deep down, she knows that no one in town could compare to Ellie. They don’t know her body like Ellie does, what she likes and where to touch her. No one else could satisfy her the way she did, so what’s the point?

Feeling both furious and ashamed, Dina heads compulsively to her closet and pulls out the box tucked away at the very back. Inside, buried beneath some of Dina’s off-season clothes, is one of Ellie’s flannel shirts. The same flannel shirt she’d worn the night of the dance. 

She hadn’t meant to keep it, but it must have ended up amongst her things while she was packing; and it’s not like she can just throw it out. Clothing that was still in good condition was getting harder and harder to come by, and maybe one day JJ could wear it. 

But more than anything, it was  _ Ellie’s.  _

She pulls the shirt close, burying her face in the soft fabric, clutching it like a lifeline. It still smells like Ellie, even after all those months shoved away in a box. It reminds her of how it felt to be held in Ellie's arms. While she wasn’t weak by any means, Ellie was always the stronger one. Dina doesn’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the line her arms had become home; a safe place where nothing could hurt her. It was also the only time Ellie ever opened up, in the dead of night, holding Dina so tightly that it almost hurt. Even then Dina could tell she was holding back, keeping much of it hidden, but it was  _ something, _ some piece of hope she could hold on to when it felt like Ellie was slipping through her fingers. 

She wonders. Did Ellie feel safe in her arms, too?

She'd give anything to have that right now. To feel safe and loved again, to feel Ellie's touch around her, all over her. 

Inside of her.

Her breath tickling her neck as her hand slips past Dinas waistband-

“Fuck,” Dina chokes, throwing the shirt away from her in disgust. What’s wrong with her? Ellie is  _ gone.  _ Probably dead! And here she is, acting like a horny teenager. 

But still, despite everything in her mind screaming at her not to, she picks up the shirt again and holds it close to her, against her face, trying to hold onto the faint scent of Ellie. The last thing she has left of her.

She runs her hand over the shirt again, as if she might find Ellie hiding somewhere in the folds of fabric. The motion is soothing, and it reminds her of how she would caress Ellie’s body when they made love; how Ellie would shiver at her touch, swearing weakly under her breath. 

This time she doesn’t stop herself when her hand slides past the waistband of her jeans, letting a single finger brush over her throbbing clit.

The touch sends an electric shock shooting through her body, and Dina has to bite her lip to keep herself from crying out. God, it’s been so long since she’s been touched like that. Not since the night before Ellie left. She’d almost forgotten what it feels like. She holds the shirt tighter against her face as she continues the languid circles of her fingers over her clit, before slowly dipping one finger inside herself, her body shuddering at the feeling of fullness. 

Ellie used to love watching her do this. Dina would straddle her waist, and fuck herself while Ellie watched, not allowed to touch, but still very much participating and spurring Dina on with the way she would bite her lip and moan under her breath. Sometimes she’d even slip a hand into her own pants, unable to resist the temptation. There was one time, as Ellie stared up at her, pupils blown wide and as she bit her lip, hands fisting the sheets in a white-knuckled grip as she tried to resist the urge to touch Dina, that she had decided to take the teasing even further.

"What do you want, Ellie?" Dina asked between moans as she continued to finger herself. 

Without missing a beat, Ellie licked her lips and answered, "I wanna fuck you so bad."

“I wanna fuck you so bad…” Dina repeats out loud to herself, gripping the flannel like her life depended on it. 

Saying something like that out loud would have normally embarrassed her, but right now she’s too far lost in her thoughts about Ellie to care. It hurt how badly she wanted it. To shove Ellie up against the wall, or pin her to the bed, maybe even bend her over a table and make up for all the hours she’s spent wanting her, needing her since she left. 

She wiggles out of her pants and kicks them off haphazardly before laying back in bed, still holding the flannel to her flushed skin. Ellie’s name is a soft whine on her lips as she curls her fingers inside of herself. She wants to cry Ellie’s name, to scream it like she always did when Ellie made her come, leaving her a trembling, sweaty mess beneath her. 

But she’s not Ellie, and not even she can fuck herself the way Ellie could. Deep and fast and rough, sometimes so hard that it almost hurt in the most delicious way. 

Fuck, this was too much. She needs to come, needs to get this ridiculous hunger for Ellie out of her system. But no matter how hard she tries to imagine Ellie there with her, imagine that the fingers moving inside of her were  _ hers,  _ it just wasn’t the same. Getting herself off could never compare to the feeling of Ellie’s fingers teasing her, or her tongue exploring the most intimate parts of her body in a way no one else ever had. 

Maybe she should just go find someone at the festival after all. It would be much more reasonable than what she’s currently doing, but somewhere in the back of her mind she knows it wouldn’t work. She’s just too fixated on Ellie. 

A memory comes to mind of something Ellie had once asked her to do, and an idea slowly begins to take shape in her head. 

She’d asked Dina to grind against her leg, to use Ellie’s body to get herself off. She didn’t know what Ellie was getting out of it at the time, but Dina had certainly enjoyed the feeling of being so close to her, their bodies, both slick with sweat, pressed flush together. The way Ellie had gripped her ass to both pull her closer, and press her down harder against her leg all while kissing and leaving bite marks across her neck and shoulders. It had made Dina come so hard that she was sure she’d lost consciousness for a moment.

Right now she might not have the real Ellie here to grind on, but she can make do. 

With shaking fingers, she wraps the flannel around a pillow, filling prickles of embarrassment in the back of her neck. Looking at the lumpy flannel-wrapped pillow that’s somehow supposed to be a substitute for Ellie briefly makes her cheeks warm with white-hot shame. This is ridiculous, she’s  _ Dina,  _ she could get anyone in town, for fuck’s sake! But here she is, alone in her dead ex’s bedroom, about to have her way with a goddamned pillow all because she can’t get over her  _ other  _ ex, who’s probably  _ also  _ dead somewhere. 

Pathetic. 

But the throbbing ache between her legs is stronger than any sense of shame, and forces the thoughts out of her mind as she pushes herself to her knees, positioning the pillow between her legs. Slowly, almost as if she’s experimenting, she grinds down against it. Her body shivers at the sensation as she exhales sharply.

She takes her time, movements slow at first as she lets her body revel in the new sensations. As she thrusts against the pillow, Ellie’s name escapes her lips, this time much louder than she’d allowed before, and she lets herself get lost in her fantasy of her girlfriend once again. Her pace quickens as she grips the fabric of the flannel underneath her. 

Her body begins to grow hot, and she impulsively pulls her shirt over her head and tosses it somewhere across the room. She brings her hands to her breast and gently massages them, running her thumbs over the stiff peaks of her nipples. She still remembers the sensation of callused fingers dragging across the sensitive skin--Ellie had loved playing with her tits. Dina could swear they were Ellie’s favorite part of her body. 

She leans forward, gripping the bed sheets with one hand while using the other to tease her nipples. Her hips rut against the pillow hard and fast, and she imagines it’s Ellie’s face she’s riding instead. Wishing the friction against her clit was Ellie’s tongue and not the fabric of the shirt.

Her pace begins to grow frantic as she rubs herself roughly against the pillow. Her breath is ragged as the hot tension in her belly grows, desperately chasing the release she so desperately needs. 

She moans Ellie’s name out loud now, as if somehow she would hear her and come running home to finish her girl off. 

“Ellie… please, baby…” she whimpers, and the orgasm shoots through her.

Her whole body shakes as the pleasure shoots from her core up through her stomach and to every inch of her body, the pressure finally releasing as a scream of Ellie’s name. 

Feeling exhausted, she falls forward, her body trembling and her head still buzzing. Once her breathing finally calms, she reaches over to the sleeve of the flannel and pulls it to her lips, wanting to kiss Ellie in the sweet way she always did after they made love. As they held each other and whispered sleepy sweet nothings in each other’s ears. Dina would run her fingers through Ellie’s hair, as Ellie traced lazy patterns on Dina’s skin until they eventually fell asleep.

She finds herself crying again, silent tears running down her cheeks.

It would be easy to find someone,  _ something,  _ to pleasure herself when the loneliness becomes too strong to bear. But the emotion, the love, the intimacy was something that she could only share with Ellie. There’s no one on earth that could take Ellie’s place when it came to that. 

She pushes herself up on shaky arms, pulling the ruined flannel off the pillow and tossing it in the direction of the basket full of dirty clothes in the corner. As she begins to get out of bed and clean herself up, something catches her eyes.

She picks up the photo of Ellie that had fallen to the floor. Seeing Ellie looking so happy in the photo makes fresh tears prick the corner of her eyes. 

All she wants is to have her back. To hear that goofy laugh and her silly puns. To listen to her sing and play guitar, watch her paint and play dinosaurs with JJ. She wants to cuddle her, kiss her, hold her, make love to her… She would give anything just to  _ see _ her. 

“I love you,” she whispers softly, placing the photo back in the drawer, and burying it at the very bottom. 


End file.
